Ugh, today was the day I've been dreading for months: Jackson's first day of preschool. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 7 a.m. this morning he said "I go to school today?" And then proceeded to tell me that he wanted to ride the bus, even after I told him mommy took the day off work so I could take him. "No," he said. "I will ride the bus!" Apparently, the school bus must be like the Ritz Carlton and my simple Honda Accord is a Motel 6.
I took some pictures this morning at home and then it was off to school. He's going to Maple City Christian Preschool at the Alliance Church. I think everyone I know up here has sent their kids to that preschool. We got there a little early, so he got to play in the gym with the other kids. So far, so good -- no tears, and I'm talking about me.
Then, as we walk down the hall towards his classroom, I feel myself getting choked up. With each step, the more tears that well up in my tired eyes. We hung his new book bag ("It's gotta big tractor on it, Mom!") on his hook and put his name tag around his neck.
We enter the classroom and he's off like a cannon. I just kind of stand there for a second, then tell him good-bye. He's too busy playing and just kinda waves and says "bye". No hug. No kiss. I walked out to my car, almost feeling like I had lost a body part. I felt like I was missing something. I felt lost.
I went to Wal-mart and blew $50 on scrapbooking stuff. I don't scrapbook, but feel like I should. Maybe this will give me motivation. Then, I bought a pair of shoes at Payless, then went to the Dollar Tree and bought more scrapbooking stuff.
When I picked Jackson up, he talked about how fun school was. I asked him where he wanted to go for his special lunch and he chose the "pizza house", which is actually Pizza Hut to him. He was so tired he couldn't even keep his eyes open and was being very loud and rude. Needless to say, i packed up our pizza and he came home and took a loooong nap.
I just can't get over how "big boy" Jackson is becoming. I can't believe that in a little over a week, he'll be 3! He's learning so much -- he knows his ABC's, can count to 20, knows his shapes and colors and is starting to recognize the formation of some words (like Fox when I have that station on TV). I'm so excited about the person he's becoming, but I still yearn for the days when he was tiny and relied on me more.
And as the Tinman said, "Now I know I have a heart because I can feel it breaking."